Ambition, determination, hard work and careful planning have always been defining strengths for Tanya Golitschenko. However, in this heartfelt letter to her younger self, Tanya advises to slow down, stop rushing and to remember that when life throws challenges, it’s friends and family who are the greatest source of strength.
Dear Little Tanya,
I just had a moment at work that made me smile. My boss gave me a shiny gold star and a new title, and in that moment, I couldn’t help but think of you. Of the girl you used to be, full of dreams and determination, full of trust, blind to the trials and tribulations of life. I want you to know something really important – you’re already on the right path. Everything you want, everything you’re working towards – it’s already in motion. But, Little Tanya, I want to share a few things with you that I wish someone had told me back then. These lessons will save you so much heartache, and I promise they’ll help you become the person you’re meant to be.
Enjoy the journey, your one life is precious
I know you’re driven. I know you’re always thinking ahead, always planning and working towards the next big thing. And while that ambition is one of your greatest strengths, I need you to hear this now – you don’t have to rush. I know you want to prove yourself, to get to that end goal, but trust me when I say that it’s the journey that matters. Every step, every misstep, every person you meet, every lesson learned – they’re all part of what shapes you into who you will become. Yes, the goals are important, but they’re not everything.
There will be moments, Little Tanya, where it feels like things aren’t going the way you want them to. You’ll feel stuck, and you’ll feel like you’re losing sight of everything. And sometimes, you’ll face loss so deep it shakes you to your core. You will lose your beautiful little sister when she’s only 30, and that will break you in ways you didn’t know were possible. But, sweetheart, here’s what I need you to understand – take time. Take time for the people who matter most to you. Work will always be there, but those precious moments with the people you love? They’re irreplaceable. Don’t wait until it’s too late to realise how much those moments matter. So please, take the time to be with your family, your friends and yourself. Cherish them. You deserve it.
Ask for help, find a mentor
You’re tough, Little Tanya. So tough. You’ve already proven to yourself that you can handle anything. Your determination is unmatched. But I need you to hear this – you don’t have to do it all on your own. I know you’re used to carrying everything by yourself, to handling everything without showing any cracks, but that’s not the way forward. There will be times when you’re dealing with more than you can bear – grief, pain and challenges that will feel impossible to overcome alone. And when that happens, you have to reach out. Seek mentors, ask for help, lean on the people who genuinely care about you. You’ll be amazed at how much lighter the load feels when you don’t carry it by yourself.
There will be times when life feels unbearably hard, when the weight of it all will feel too much, and you’ll think you have to hold it all together. But the truth is, you don’t. You’re allowed to let people in. Let them help you carry the burden. Trust me, it’s not a sign of weakness.It’s a strength. And in asking for help, you’ll find a community that supports and lifts you when you need it most.
Do not take your health for granted
This one is so important. You’re going to learn this lesson the hard way, but I want you to understand it now. Your body and mind are your greatest assets, and you must take care of them. I know you’re determined and you push yourself like nobody else can. But there will be times when you’ll work yourself to the point of burnout – late nights, pushing yourself beyond the limits, thinking that your worth is tied to your productivity. It’s not.
You will push yourself so hard, in ways that will cost you your health. You’ll suffer from exhaustion and develop lifelong health issues that could have been avoided if you’d just listened to your body and slowed down. The start of your unsustainable work habits were taught in University when you were set an unreasonable request to create a five-minute flythrough titled “Maelstrom” when the technology available wasn’t adequate to deliver. Learn to challenge requests that aren’t right, even when they come from authority.
Please, Little Tanya, when you feel yourself burning out, when you’re pushing through with nothing left to give, stop. Rest. Take a break. Your worth is not defined by how much you can achieve in a day or week. Rest isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity. You’ll achieve much more when you take care of yourself. And you can take a break without it meaning you’re falling behind.
Do not settle for mediocre, seek out good people
This one is so important, and I know it’s something you’ll struggle with, especially in the beginning. You’ll want to prove yourself so badly that you’ll accept just about anything in the name of success. Don’t! Don’t settle for people or situations that drain you, that don’t truly support you, or that ask you to compromise your values. You are worth more than that.
Surround yourself with people who truly see you – friends, mentors, partners, colleagues – people who cheer you on, who lift you up, who help you grow. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. In 2019, you’ll face one of the most difficult times in your life – a major career milestone mixed with a personal battle that will see you become a homeless single mum, escaping family violence. You will feel the weight of the world on your shoulders. But in those darkest moments, you will find support in the people who truly care. And you’ll get through it. You’ll get through it.
So, Little Tanya, find the people who make you feel safe, who believe in you, and who remind you that you’re not alone. They will be your lifeline, and they will help you see that there’s always a way forward.
Be authentic, be passionate
Take pride in your work. Your ability to create, to design, to make a difference – it’s your gift to the world. And don’t forget that it’s not just about the work itself; it’s about the people your work touches, the lives it improves, and the legacy it leaves behind. Your passion for architecture will be a driving force in your life, but remember, the way you make others feel – the kindness, the respect, the way you help others grow – is just as important as what you build.
Never compromise on your authenticity. The world needs your perspective, your ability to problem-solve, your creativity, your passion – they will help you create meaningful change. So, always stay true to your values. Keep improving the world, one project at a time.
Challenge the norm
Being a single mum is hard, but it is not a barrier to your career or success. You just need to do things differently and challenge business as usual. You’ll take your daughter to client meetings to land that big job, and you’ll return to work from maternity leave while proudly having your daughter by your side. You’ll take her to networking events and even bring her on stage when you have the opportunity to speak at an industry event. You will break down barriers and challenge the bias of what a working mum is. You’ll become a role model for other women around you, showing them that you can have both a career and a family – on your own terms.
Always believe in your ability
Finally, I want to remind you of your greatest strength, something that might feel scary and uncertain at times – your ability to back yourself. Your ability to take risks, to do things that scare you, to create opportunities for yourself instead of waiting for them to come. That’s your superpower, Little Tanya. You have the courage to make your dreams come true, and you have the strength to push through fear, uncertainty and doubt. You’re going to do things that seem impossible, and you’ll do them because you believe in yourself, even when no one else does.
The road ahead will be difficult at times, and you’ll face challenges that feel insurmountable. But remember this – you’ve got this. You are stronger than you realise. You are capable of achieving everything you set your mind to. And I’m so incredibly proud of you. Keep going. Keep believing. Keep being you.
With all my love and encouragement,
Tanya
Tanya Golitschenko is a Principal at Hassell and a recognised leader in the urban transport sector. Currently, Tanya serves as the lead Architect on the Cross River Rail R.I.S. (Rail, Integration, and Systems) project – a transformative city-shaping initiative aimed at enhancing regional mobility through the development of eight surface stations. Tanya is also a DE&I advocate at Hassell, playing an active program and initiative lead role in both the Gender Equality and Talent / Staff development leadership. She has also been a Hassell Implementation leader within the Champions of Change Coalition Architecture Group.
Tanya volunteers for a number of causes in the Diversity, Equity & Inclusion space including a leadership position within the NAWIC (National Association of Women in Construction), as the Education and Mentoring Chair; Member of the Queensland Australian Institute of Architects Gender, Equity and Inclusion Committee; as well as the Institute’s National Committee for Gender Equity and Treasurer of the Koala Action Group in the Redland City Council.
